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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Dr. Dolittle

The next person who says to me – “How can YOU be sick? You’re a doctor!!” – is going to see me pulling my hair out.
…..or maybe I should pull their hair out instead. And have my answer ready.The thing is that I forgot to take my daily quota of the magic potion in medical college that was supposed to make us immune to disease and disability.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Mr. Yogi, Episode 5

Another of those things that simply beg to be recorded for posterity. I got out of bed to write this - sometimes it's just not fun laughing alone. This isn't slander because I'm not mentioning any names. Still, if you ever return to read my blog and if you recognize yourself, please forgive me. 

So here goes the latest installment in my adventures with Shaadi.com.

SMS on my mobile today- "Hi. My name is XYZ. Your dad gave me your number. Regarding Shaadi.com". Cryptic. A man of few words. I wrote back- "Yes, Papa told me to expect your call. Call me whenever" And he, potential suitor for my hand, writes back- "Can you call me? My balance is zero."

Well. Let's not get judgmental here. It's no big deal. Who knows, this will be the thing that we will laugh about years from now. So I stopped tittering and called him. The conversation went like this -ME: "Hi! I'm Manjot. My dad told me about you last night. So, how're you doing?" I think I'm beginning to develop a Joey routine here. Should watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S less. 
HIM: "So, what's happening?" Apparently he has his own Joey routine. Mine is better.

I've never needed too much an invitation to take the floor. So I tell him in great detail about what's happening - about my day, about the blood donation camp I'm organizing next month.... "....And what's up with you? Are you at work?"
HIM: "Yes, I'm just leaving now." Uncomfortable silence.
HIM: "So,what's happening?" O my God.That's what you said just now. But I'm not going to turn someone down just because he can't talk. Maybe he's just shy. Look at how terrible Ross is when he meets women for the first time. I really should give those F.R.I.E.N.D.S DVDs away.

ME: "Not much else is happening actually. Why don't we ask each other some specific things. Tell me what you're looking for here..What kind of woman do you hope to find? I saw your profile on Shaadi. And the thing that totally struck me was that the list of professions in 'your preferred partner' starts from Accountant and goes all the way up to Social worker, covers Beautician, Lawyer, Legal Professionals and Merchant Naval Officer....among twenty five others...How did that come about?"That will give him something to talk about.

Not much apparently. 
HIM: "There were so few hits on my profile all these months so I figured maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I should not be choosy."
ME: "Awww...come on. Don't sound so disheartened. There's your perfect woman waiting for you somewhere. You'll find her someday. You have to continue being as choosy as you want to be. Your destiny will give you exactly what you choose." He's supposed to woo me. Why am I working so hard here?
HIM: "I don't believe in destiny and stuff. This happens in movies, not in real life. In real life, you just keep looking for the most suitable person in your social circle, and Shaadi is another way to widen that social circle."
Great. A bit of cynic here. But hey! Now we have something to argue about! Maybe it can still get interesting. We're having a conversation, yayyy!
ME: "Hey! Movies imitate life, you know. And people find magic on matrimonial sites too! I can tell you so many stories of friends who did...."
HIM: "Ummm..."
No? Don't want to hear my stories? Okay. Ugh, how I hate silences. But he takes initiative this time. 
HIM: "So, how tall are you?" Sigh, oh well. 
Me: " ...158 cm. That's 5 feet 3 inches" Silence. Am I expected to ask his height now? 
ME: "So how tall are you?"
HIM: "I'm six feet and one inch." I'm remembering so many dirty jokes at this point, but I'm guessing he's not ready for them.
ME: "Wow, that's really tall." 
HIM:"Yeah, it's okay." Yes, it really is okay. But what are we going to talk about now?
HIM: "I was thinking of asking you something." Yes, please.Something. Anything. "I need to see some more pictures of you. Your profile has only one. Can you send me some more?"

By this time the most incurable bits of my optimism have abandoned me. All I want is this to get over. Fast.
ME: "I have a blog. There are some pictures there. Why don't you check them out and maybe we talk later"
HIM: "OK."

Later, when Jivtesh asked me how it had been, I told him I give this guy 4 points. I actually give him a lot less, but I really don't want my family to give up on me. 
JIVTESH: "So what did you guys talk about?"
So I tell him what we talked about. There was a bit more than what I've written here, but in the same vein....
JIVTESH: "O my God. And this was the guy from IIT, wasn't he? You poor thing. Oh, you meant 4 out of a 100 then."
I think I did.


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